5 NFL Prop Bets That Will Pay Next Year's Mortgage
Alex Myers discusses how you can use this NFL season to turn a profit.
Released on 9/4/2018
So the NFL is back, which means your Sundays
are booked up for the next four months.
But if your significant other gives you grief
about sitting on the couch for 12 straight hours,
just say you're keeping tabs
on your profitable portfolio of prop bets.
On second thought, don't say that.
At least not until the season is over,
and you're actually counting your money.
Because here are five prop bets
that are bound to pay off next year's mortgage.
Number one, first coach to be fired:
Hue Jackson, 3-to-1 odds.
Good old Hue has coached two seasons in Cleveland,
and has one win to show for it.
How Hue was asked back is a bigger mystery
than why Nicolas Cage keeps getting movie gigs.
You will win this bet.
In fact, there's a chance you'll win it
before the Browns' first game,
when it's discovered that Jackson's pink slip
was actually lost in the mail over the summer.
Number two, most rushing yards:
Ezekiel Elliott, 3-to-1 odds.
Elliott just turned 23, he averaged nearly a hundred yards
on the ground per game last season,
and he's running behind an all-time great offensive line.
This is too easy.
Of course, he just has to avoid getting suspended
for six games again, which is easier said than done
these days when you play for the Cowboys.
Number three, NFL MVP:
Drew Brees, 13-to-1 odds.
Personally, I think Drew Brees is an overrated QB
who pads his stats by playing in a dome
and constantly dumping off short passes to running backs.
But at 39, the NFL media will bend over backwards
to give him his first MVP award
as some sort of pre-retirement present,
if the Saints have a good record.
You may as well take advantage of this rigged vote.
And here are a couple of lock over-unders.
Number four, Cleveland Browns, under six wins.
When I saw this line I thought it was a misprint.
The Cleveland Browns, winning six games?
In one season?
That's a good three year span for them.
Again, they've won one game in the past two seasons.
The only question is whether you'll wrap up
this season one wager before the bet
on their coach getting fired.
And number five, New England Patriots over 10.5 wins.
Here's a nightmarish fact:
The Patriots have won at least 12 games
the past eight seasons.
Remember when Tom Brady was suspended four games
The Pats still won 14 games, and then won the Super Bowl.
Heck, the season Brady sat out with the shredded knee,
Bill Belichick guided Matt freaking Cassel to 11 wins.
It's tough watching this evil machine march on
year after year, so you may as well profit from it.
(relaxed hip hop music)